I don't like doughnuts

There.
I said it.

I don't like doughnuts (or donuts for those not in Australia).

One of the things I have learned over the last little while as I attempted to break free from the diet and restriction mindset is that there are no 'good' or 'bad' foods. Food cannot be given a moral value. It is just food.

There are, however, some foods that can make me feel better than others. And some that make me feel awful. And the most important part of this to note is - these food are all different for everyone.

As with most people getting out of the restriction mentality and giving the diet industry the finger, I went through a period where I ate all the foods. Even the ones that I had previously eaten little of before I even looked at losing weight. I did this because, well, because I could. Obvious food intolerance excluded (because puking is not my idea of a fun time).

But, with time and mental work comes a little clarity of thought. One day it dawned on me. There had been some foods that I used to avoid or only eat occasionally because.... I didn't actually like them.

I know, right?

I don't have to like the same foods that others do! It may seem simple, but I had gone from one extreme to another.

And now, I think, I'm back to a balance - my balance.

So, no, I don't really like doughnuts. They are a bit heavy and sweet for me. But I might have a piece of one occasionally if I feel like it.

Come to mention it, I don't actually like bread all that much either, and I never really have. Nothing to do with carbs or anything, a lot of it just doesn't sit well in my stomach. However, a nice crusty roll made into homemade garlic & herb bread or a warm piece of vegemite toast when I'm feeling a little off colour? I'm totally there.

Pastries are added to the list. And coconut oil, yoghurt and ice-cream - nope, I don't like them. A little desiccated or shredded coconut in a biscuit or slice? I can handle a some of that.

I also can't stand the taste of coriander and I really do think it ruins a dish, sorry! Also a no-go is kale (blergh) and full-cream milk (I drink lactose-free because of my intolerance, but I much prefer the taste of skim and full cream tends to upset my stomach).

So I guess the thing is, it's okay to like different foods and to even dislike foods. So long as the decision to minimise certain foods is based on actual personal preference and tastes and not on some fad diet, good/evil bs.

A healthful diet for one person will not look the same as what is healthful for another. And it's okay to actually not like some foods because you either don't like the taste or the texture or they just don't make you feel good.

That doesn't mean someone else can't eat them.

And it takes time to find your own balance if, like me, you may have fallen down the rabbit hole even just a little.

But when you do find it, your mind and body will thank you.

And someone else can eat the doughnuts.

I'll take the crisps.

A sense of renewal

Over the last 12 months, I've pretty much been in a holding pattern.

Dynamics are changing, bringing added stress. I now have a hormonal teenager, an overly-active tweenager and right at this moment, the husband is on the pointy end of his Masters - less than a month to go before it's all done.

I've spent this last year learning everything I can about self-acceptance, forming a healthy mentality and just learning how to 'be'.

Am I completely there yet? No. I don't think anyone can ever be.

But I'm content.

To the point where I'm ready to start training properly again.

I've still been lifting, but in all  honesty, it was only to maintain my minimum 3x week habit. I haven't really been pushing myself, more like going through the motions so that I can maintain some resemblance of normal as I sort through the crap in my head and the stuff happening around me.

But now I'm ready.

I took some time to research what I wanted to do and have decided on Strong - the latest program from the authors of New Rules of Lifting.

It lists the exercises for me, so I don't have to think, and there's no chance for me to 'take it easy' or avoid particular movements, which I may have a habit of doing when I'm writing my own program ;) And I'm excited to do lots of new things, old things, and just have some fun lifting again.

And my mindset has shifted. I knew I'd put on weight since January. I'd banished the scale to the garage, but yesterday, I stood on it. I wanted the data point.

Yes, I've gained weight. I knew that. My clothes are tight. It was a little more weight than I was expecting because I still fit in my clothes, even if they are snug. And the last time I was this weight, I was a whole size bigger.

There was no emotion in it. It's just a data point. I'd heard my friends talk about this and didn't know if I would ever get there. But apparently I am. I have no 'goal weight', I just want to be a little more comfortable in my clothes. I know I've gained muscle, and I've gained some strength, so things will fit differently anyway. I'm just looking for comfort.

This is a weird place to be in. I know I'm healthy because all my test results are spot on perfect. I know I'm not overweight. I'm just uncomfortable. And I want to be comfortable.

I even took a few full-body pictures (in shorts & a sports bra, no less!!) and I felt... nothing. I didn't feel grossed out or depressed. I just though it is what it is.

They aren't 'before' pictures, they are 'now' pictures. I fully expect my body to change in a whole host of ways over the years. Because that's what bodies do - we are in a constant state of flux, and that's ok. It's normal.

But I feel calm. I feel blessed. I feel content and happy with my decision to move forward into more intense training.

I feel as equipped as I can currently be to provide adequate food for my energy needs and maintain my overall feeling of wellness.

This is simply a whole new phase of life for me. All of a sudden the clouds have parted and I'm like, this is all good. It's okay. Totally a sense of renewal of thought and emotion.

Which is pretty cool.