I have an almost-teen. Ok, she'll be 13 next month (and that just makes me feel old).
I'll be honest and admit that I've dreaded these years approaching. It was the teenage & highschool years that were pretty much hands down some of the worst years of my life. It's tough when you are very definitely the odd one out physically and very definitely an introvert.
I knew that the physical appearance stuff would creep in eventually. It started a few years ago when my daughter came home from school and mentioned some of the girls were comparing the size of their thighs - calling them 'fat' and other things. We had a good discussion about that - simple things about body composition and genetics and how everyone is different and that's a good thing.
My daughter is extremely short like me. Her body is shaped similar to mine with short legs and a lot of muscle. She will never be 'model thin' or tall - it's not in her genetics. But she's still awesome in every single way.
There was a discussion recently that she told me about at school where the word 'fat' was mentioned. I asked her what she thought. She said that she had tried to explain to people about muscle mass and different body shapes etc, but they didn't seem to understand. So we had a longer talk. We discussed puberty and how it affects girls in particular - all the hormonal changes happening to the brain and the body and how her body shape and size will fluctuate over the next few years as she grows and matures.
I armed her with the knowledge about how women naturally have a little more body fat than men simply due to our ability to bear children, our different hormones and other things. I told her what the rough range for a perfectly healthy body fat percentage is and that the most important thing is that we make movement a natural part of our daily life and eat foods that compliment that - ones that make us feel good before, during and after eating them.
I have made sure in the past that she knows that there are no foods off-limits unless they make her sick (unfortunately, chocolate is still an issue as it gives her migraines, but we're hopeful!), and she is very vocal in her positive outlook to the extent that she has been known to argue the point with others who insist that there are 'good' and 'bad' foods ;)
Girls going through puberty are at a highly impressionable time in their lives. They want to fit in, and part of that is looking the same. Unfortunately, during puberty, their bodies are going through so many changes, inside and out. Everyone develops at different times and in different ways. And if they already have a body shape that is obviously different from the 'ideal' one promoted by social media and others, then the comparison trap is easy to fall into and hard to get out of.
Almost one third of Australian young people aged 11-24 have reported body image as their number one concern. Follow this statistic up with the fact that over half of girls in Australian high schools have tried to lose weight, and you have a rather major problem.
It is up to us as parents to arm our kids with knowledge and power to be able to overcome these societal pressures. To change the cultural norm. To stand up and say enough is enough. Everyone is worthy. Keep the conversation open, let them ask you questions, work with them to find answers or brainstorm solutions. Don't be a part of the problem - be a part of the solution.
You never know where these sorts of things are going to come from or when they will crop up. From best friends to family to random strangers, comments will be made. It's laying a firm foundation so that they know how to deal with those comments, and most importantly, being a positive body role model - kids learn best from examples, so be the best example you can be.
Be aware of it, and be as proactive as you can. Both my kids know they
can come to me at any time and unload or ask questions. Arm yourself with information so you can
pass it on to them - knowledge and unconditional love are the two best
weapons you can have.
